On a Personal Note

I've been kicking the topic of this post around, trying to decide whether I actually wanted to record it here. However, I finally decided that part of the ideal learning experience involves sharing parts of yourself that you might prefer to leave untouched. The issue in question concerns why Lewis felt relieved when he initially apostatized from Christianity, specifically how he hated going to bed each evening because he would inevitably have to attend to what he thought were mandatory obligations in prayer. These obligations would extend the lengths of his prayers to unreasonably long durations, thus provoking the aforementioned misery about attending to them.

I honestly was astounded to hear him discuss this topic, mainly because I've found that I have been struggling with something very similar. What I had, until reading Lewis' account, been demanding of myself every night also made me avoid going to bed, which combined with the time requirement to complete my obligations, had resulted in perpetual sleep deprivation. I found myself wishing to avoid my communion with Heavenly Father simply because of how long it took, Furthermore, my prayers got to the point where they did not feel like conversations and instead felt like repetitions that were sincere, but were nonetheless repetitions.

Thankfully, Lewis' record prompted me to recognize that I was not conducting myself as I should be, and should thus cut down on the number of items that I need to pray about every day. Although I'm still working at improving my prayers, I have noticed progress and have discovered that I do not dread starting them anymore.